Marketing Mementos: Lessons I’d Tattoo on My Body That I Never Want to Forget
Here’s my list of tattoo-worthy marketing truths. No trendy buzzwords, no overused “growth hacks.” Just lessons I want permanently burned into my brain (and maybe my forearm).
In Memento, Guy Pearce’s character tattoos vital information on his body to solve a crime because he has no short-term memory. If you love a good thriller, that’s also a mind-bending puzzle box with a killer twist, then I highly recommend you watch it this weekend. The cherry on top is that it’s a Christopher Nolan movie. I promise you won't be disappointed.
The purpose of this entry is not to dissect the finer points of the movie or the twist at the end (no spoilers here). Rather, it’s the vessel I’ll be using to share the marketing lessons I wish I could tattoo on my body Memento-style. The way I see it, if it’s a good enough method for solving crimes while combating short-term memory loss, it should be more than capable of making us better marketers.
But why, right now? Because there has never been a point in the history of marketing that is noisier, crammed with clickbait, and propagated with more shiny tools than right now. Distinguishing the signal and the noise can feel impossible. A sturdy set of principles and a tattoo gun are our best weapons to wield so that we can blaze a clear path to both clarity and, most importantly, recollection—because it will only get more chaotic and noisier every day.
So here’s my list of tattoo-worthy marketing truths. No trendy buzzwords, no overused “growth hacks.” Just lessons I want permanently burned into my brain (and maybe my forearm). These are the reminders I wish I could glance at every morning before opening my laptop.
If It Doesn’t Show Up on the P&L, It Doesn’t Matter
Marketing metrics are like the scoreboard at an All-Star game—lots of numbers flying around, but not all of them mean something. In fact, most of them mean nothing.
A high click-through rate feels nice, but if those clicks don’t lead to revenue, who cares? A million views on a video don’t matter if it doesn’t turn into customers. The only numbers that matter are the ones that show up on your profit-and-loss statement.
It’s like Moneyball. Billy Beane didn’t care about towering home runs, hits, or earned run average. He cared about the one state that correlated to winning games: on-base percentage. We have our versions of that in marketing: revenue, acquisition cost, and return on ad spend. Why those three metrics, though? Because they show up directly on your profit-and-loss statement. Let me explain.
First, revenue is your ability to make the cash register ring. It’s pure, white-hot sales. It’s obvious to say, but we measure it because without revenue, we don’t have a business. You either sell or go home. It’s that simple.
Second, we define return on ad spend (ROAS) as the ratio of your top-line revenue (aka the sweet ca-ching of the cash register) to the money you’re spending on advertising (paid ads, sponsorships, and more). It’s important to note that others will define ROAS as what platforms like, Meta, Google, etc. show in their respective ad buying platforms. These numbers can be misleading and you should take them with a grain of salt. Where our ROAS succeeds, though, is that it focuses on a holistic view of actual dollars coming in the door versus actual dollars going out the door. This contextualizes your marketing efforts within the broader health of the business.
The last piece of our puzzle is customer acquisition cost. We calculate this by dividing your advertising spend by the number of units sold. This number gives us an unfettered unit-level insight into what it takes to sell our product. If this number plus the cost to make your product is greater than the price of your product, then you have a problem because you’re losing money on each transaction.
The reason we’ve chosen these three numbers is because they are unassailable. You can’t argue about them or haggle over them like you can other metrics. If you’re obsessing over engagement metrics without tying them to dollars, you’re basically the guy at the gym who maxes out his bench press but skips leg day. Impressive, but ultimately useless.
You can’t pay rent with conversion rate or views.
When in Doubt, Serve the Customer
Every marketing decision should pass one simple test: Is this actually good for the customer?
If it’s not, it’s probably a terrible decision. The customer and their happiness keep us business.
Believe it or not, one of the best examples of this comes from the fictional business world of The Office. Michael Scott’s branch of Dunder Mifflin won business because they picked up the phone and treated people like human beings. Meanwhile, his corporate competitors were busy cutting costs and ignoring customer complaints.
It’s the same deal in marketing. If you take a Michael Scott-like approach (minus burning your foot on a griddle) and laser focus on making your customers happy, good things will happen. That means clear messaging, an easy buying experience, and treating people like actual people—not just data points in a retargeting campaign.
When in doubt, do what’s best for the customer. It’s a cheat code for marketing (and life). Happy customers buy more, stay longer, and tell their friends. It’s so simple, it’s difficult.
Play the Long Game
Chasing short-term marketing wins is like trading your franchise’s future for a washed-up veteran (looking at you, Dallas Mavericks).
Sure, gimmicks can get a quick spike in traffic. A clickbait headline might get more views. A steep discount might drive a sales surge. But what happens next? It’s not sustainable to keep chasing the next short-term gadget or growth hack. Customers can smell it when something stinks and nothing wreaks quite like a string of short-term decision making (see above: Dallas Mavericks).
The brands that last are the ones that think long-term. They build trust. They invest in brand loyalty. They create something that people actually care about. This isn't sexy, and I guarantee it won't win a single award (they're overrated anyway). You may not even see day-to-day progress.
But, when you measure that progress in weeks, months, and years, you’ll find you’ve achieved more and built something more durable than you could ever imagine. Compounding is one heck of a drug like that.
You can chase clicks today or build something that people still care about in 100 years. Choose wisely.
If It’s Not a Great Headline, It’s Invisible
The best marketing doesn’t win by being the best—it wins by getting noticed first.
People don’t read your ad because of the clever reference you made in the second sentence of your body copy. They read it because the headline, thumbnail, or hook grabbed them in the first 0.5 seconds.
If you want to see this in action, all you have to do is open the Netflix app. The company is a master at this. Ever notice how their thumbnails change based on what they think you’ll click? It’s all about making sure you notice before you scroll past.
Advertising master David Ogilvey once said, “On the average, five times as many people read the headline as read the body copy. When you have written your headline, you have spent eighty cents out of your dollar.”
You could have the best blog post, the best email, the best ad—but if the headline doesn’t grab attention, no one’s clicking and you’ve just lit 80% of your advertising dollars on fire. Oof!
First impressions matter and we have to respect that.
Read It Out Loud or Regret It Later
Your brain autocorrect mistakes when you read in your head, but when you read your copy out loud, you hear the awkward phrasing, typos, and confusing sentences you otherwise would’ve missed.
It’s why actors rehearse lines, why comedians test their jokes in small clubs, and why writers should always, always read their work aloud. The best marketing messages don’t just sound good on paper—they sound good when spoken, too.
Every bad email, every cringeworthy ad, every terrible slogan could have been saved if someone had just taken a moment to read it out loud.
If it sounds weird, fix it. Your audience will hear it even if you don’t.
Distribution is King
The best content, product, widget, or whatever in the world is useless if no one sees it. You can create an incredible blog post, a hilarious video, or a brilliant product, but if it’s not getting in front of the right people, it’s a tree falling in an empty forest.
Distribution should never be an afterthought—it’s the strategy that makes the difference between capturing the value you’ve created or watching it wither away.
Email lists. Paid ads. Social media. SEO. Partnerships. However, you do it, make sure your hard work actually gets in front of the people who need to see it.
Tattoo This
These are the marketing lessons I never want to forget. The ones I’d tattoo on my forearm if I could. So let’s recap:
Focus on the metrics that actually impact your bottom line.
Put the customer first—always.
Play the long game and build something that lasts.
Your headline is your first (and sometimes only) chance to get noticed.
Read your work out loud before sending it into the world.
Distribution > Everything
At the end of the day, marketing isn’t about fancy tactics or chasing trends—it’s about clarity, consistency, and serving people in a way that actually matters.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have an appointment with a tattoo artist and I’m running late.